I'm back...again

I know...it has been a while. Too much has happened since I last posted to possibly fit into a year's worth of blogging (and that is no hyperbole, by any means). Since I last wrote, I have been married to the most beautiful women imaginable ( :) ), honeymooned in Kauai (I'm convinced that is the current Eden of the earth right now), and have progressed in psycho-oncological research (it just means that I study psychosocial aspects in cancer...). And I have been a TA for Stats courses and Psychometrics...really, no biggy...
It almost seems impressive when I list it out like this (and I could have listed out much more than this...so much has happened, I feel exhausted just thinking about it, and I doubt it has to do with the current time at night), but I know it has almost nothing to do with my ability, unique talent, or general level of intelligence (seriously, I don't know...my wife administered the WAIS IV to me, and we're still not completely certain about it...). I AM certain that it has to do with other things: integrity, commitment, faith, love, determination, respect, and self-control (above all else). To all who find it worth your time to read this blog (or actually have interest since my last post was about a year ago...), I want to impart something I have learned - even at my young age, I feel confident in imparting something of value - which is to love what you do, find intrinsic worth in it, and maintain your integrity throughout the process. In addition to that, respect those who work the hardest (especially when they are in a higher position in the hierarchy than yourself), meet adversity with a steady and honest mind, and do your utmost to cherish the relationships you are fortunate enough to have...seriously, I can tell you that research supports social support and its health-protective benefits :). Protect those friendships that you have, and provide the space that grace can only provide. I
I know I must sound like I believe myself to be God's gift to...I don't know...but you are reading this, so you must be interested in what is on this grad student's mind :).
I want to focus on the importance of social support here for a moment. It is such a crucial protective buffer in health (both mental and biological) health. It has been found to be predictive of and commonly associated with better health. Perhaps in the most provocative manner, Christakis has linked the importance of the influence of social networks to influencing the adoption of risky health status (e.g., obesity) and the cessation of risky behavior (e.g., smoking). It is amazing to see his models suggest that our linkages to friends (influenced and moderated even by the degrees of separation from a given social contact) will influence our own behavior. The importance of the network of social interactions we create and maintain cannot be overemphasized. We are linked to those we commune with and we influence one another in a bidirectional manner (i.e., person A influences the behavior of person B at multiple levels of organization, and vice versa). When coupled with the concept of integrity and self-control, we are put to the forefront of our own behavior and faced with the knowledge that we influence others to varying degrees, given the context.
Who do you consider your friend? Why do you consider that person your friend? How do you think others would consider your relationship (constructive, hazardous, etc.)?
I want to leave you with a contemplative question: what do you consider worthwhile? And, more importantly, why do you consider it worthwhile?

I'm Back!

Wow, it really has been a while, now, has it not?
I apologize for the delay since the last post...unfortunately, the demands of thesis/grant proposal development can take its toll, especially when paired with grad classes.

But now, here I am, so much further along with my thesis since I last posted, and feeling so much more on top of things, so to speak. Right now, after a week with a statistics midterm and a thesis literature review, just one presentation tomorrow stands between me and a weekend full of time with my fiance (and how appropriate, Valentine's Day is almost here!) and time of rejuvenation.

And it is right there where I (perhaps) possess one of my largest and most blaring weak points: After being used to intense and prolonged cycles of studying, class, research, studying, (eating somewhere in there,...oh, and sleeping sometimes), etc...I find it tough to switch gears to "rest-mode," if you will. It's hard to fully explain, yet, try to imagine how difficult it can be to switch from doing reps of push-ups to reps of squats, then trying to stretch it out...that stretching is not the easiest thing to do, yet it is useful to keep your muscles from seizing up. Perhaps that's the best way to put it: I have strained my intellectual muscle to the point of seizing, quite often.

It is at this point that I find it so crucial to practice what can often be seen on the surface as a selfish indulgence: the concept of self-care. Honestly think over this for a moment. How can one, if his or her profession is to serve others, provide the standard of care necessary to treat disease, mental illness, etc. if that same provider of care does not know how to care for himself/herself? It's a concept that I am sure most of us have grappled with at one point or another, yet how difficult it is sometimes! Especially when the demands are great and immediate...

All that aside, I believe that, at the least, this weekend will prove to be one in which I can enjoy the company of another, one who has become my partner in life and who I look forward to sharing challenges that will come in waves and storms. Indeed, I shall look forward to sharing more moments with her, my future wife, such as the time we shall spend together this Valentine's Day weekend :).

Along those lines, I pose this for the dialogue: Who is the person with whom you can truly rest with? With whom can you feel at peace and leave with a sense of peace? And I know that there are plenty out there who might cite references to Higher Power (ie. Jesus, God, etc.), yet, I am intentionally asking this on a more social level. For, none, and I mean NONE, of us were meant to go Lone Ranger in life. I cannot help but feel a certain Power of Grace and Peace that does flow from a bond full of truth (eg. blunt honesty) and grace (eg. allowing room to just vent). What about you?

It's Clear Today :)

After torrential rainstorms, it seems to finally be at an end. The sky seems to be that shade of blue, which is so rich...is it just the rain or is it the novelty of the sky after a week of looking at gray clouds?

I love the time right after a period of rain: Some people focus on the smells, the lush greenery, the clear sky, etc...as for me, I can hardly decide! The way I would describe how I feel is there is a certain "washed-clean" quality about the earth I trod, and I can't help but feel it as a Great Metaphor from above :).

Today shall be truly simple: How are you participating in the cleansing of our world? As a believer in Christ, my faith draws me to participate in this mission of washing others' feet, as it were. I see a cleansed look in the eye and demeanor of those with whom I participate in such acts of washing others' feet. It is a beautiful thing to behold.

Yielding to the rain

So, I finally did it...
After a full quarter and almost four weeks, I have ridden my bike to school, happily circumventing any need to find parking. Today, I break that record by looking outside my window, and asking myself this honest question: "Do I REALLY want to get soaked through and through again?" So, I drove through the roads I would normally take on my bike, imagining myself braving the weather, and I was truly pleased with my choice of transportation.

Aside from that, thanks to one of my intrepid readers for helping expand the dialogue in my last post greatly! In case any others are curious, we were expounding upon the nature of integrity and truth, specifically as it relates to integrity and the truth of integrity being rooted in the Truth being with the Christian God. If any one else would like to comment on that, please go ahead by all means!

As of today, I'll keep it short and sweet. I've been thinking about how I sometimes act around others, and what is the deal sometimes with how difficult it can be to simply go into a social situation, act and say what you need, and leave knowing that you dictated what you needed and it was done in a satisfactory manner. Perhaps this will be more evident through an example of such a situation.

So, before I meet with my adviser, I think of what I want to say and how I would like to say it (eg. with sincerity, humility, etc.) and then I go and meet him. I instantly get all flustered and say the necessities, yet I go away with a sense of "I could have said that better..." as in, I might have said it in a way that didn't make me seem (fill in blank) when I really wanted to express (fill in the blank). What is it?

I've often thought of the boundaries created when authority is given, and the social hierarchy placed. That probably has something to do with it. Likely, it also has much to do with the perception I get that there is this fuzzy dual role of peer/friend and mentor that surrounds the situation.

So, in keeping this short and simple, I will ask this: What are the boundaries (if any) that should be placed between being friendly and being in an authority role? I have my own ideas, but let's hear yours!

Rain, Rain...don't go away

Wow, it certainly has been raining with a thundering (literally) fury hear in southern California. I think I even heard of a tornado warning in Los Angeles not too long ago? So what is one to do in this deluge of storms?

Well, I like to celebrate by riding my bike through it...at least that's what I tell myself when I am being soaked, not only from above but also from below, courtesy of the wheels as they fire droplets of a mixture of (enough "of's" for you?) water and fine dirt from the road...it made for an interesting entrance into my research methods class today. :) Do not worry, no reprimand was given...I think I might have detected even a glint of respect from the eyes of the instructor as if thinking, "Man, my class must be very important to brave weather like this on a bike!"...I'm not sure, what do you think? Crazy of me, or worthy of some kind of respect? Personally, I just find it fun and different, for the same monotonous route to school becomes this exciting adventure, if only in its small microcosm of time and space...the only unbearable thing, really, was the effect of the wind chill upon my hands as they gripped the handlebars-they definitely got to the point of being numb and enjoyed the hot shower I experienced after class.

So, that puts me in the comfort of my robe, to where I am now, happily typing up more of my thesis proposal. And I think back to the cost of responsibilities placed upon one's shoulders as he or she becomes older and/or advances in his/her chosen field, and came to a conclusion (this actually has been in my mind for some time, yet it came again today): As one climbs the ladder of esteem and respect from colleagues, there is an unavoidable spotlight upon the climber that only grows in diameter, which encompasses more of that person's life being viewed by those observers who are curious about what got him/her there in the first place. So much can then be under scrutiny: Personal life choices, friends, acquaintances, activities, and certainly more. I ponder this, and I think then that it is of great importance to do this: Do what you love for the sake of others, for who can have any solid foundation to question that practice? If such a practice is, well, practiced with integrity, then how can one decry such a lifestyle?

And that is what I pose as a question for the dialogue out there: As I am sure that there are divergent thinkers out there, on what possible grounds do you think one can adequately decry a lifestyle that encompasses doing what is loved for the sake (or end) of others with integrity? I can think of but one potential reason for extreme cases...but I'll leave that until next post! :) Now, what do you think?

A Windy Morning, It Carries a Promise

As I am sitting here typing, I must apologize for the delay by which this post finally reaches my blog. However, it would seem that this is serendipitous in light of the comment left upon the last post. I guess I am a little confused as to the rationale when "paintcolor2" suggested I post a few times a week at the most (was it for my business or the business of the readers that you suggest this, paintcolor2?...please let me know if you read this!) Also to the person behind the avatar, thank you for the encouraging comments regarding your perspective and report on how people have enjoyed reading this blog. :) My response to that is: If you thought that was anything, then let us buckle up, because this ship is only going to sail faster as life goes by! (And by this, I simply am inputting a bit of my own philosophy: As one gets older, accumulates more responsibility, and becomes more knowledgeable, life will only get more crazy, go by quickly, and simply become more difficult. My response to this is this: If we find that life is hard, then rejoice! Because you have not then numbed yourself to the radical responsibilities to which you are uniquely bound to serve those around you. In other words, you are right on the money with that assumption (For a more systematic perspective on the notion that "life is difficult," please see Dr. Scott Peck's book "The Road Less Traveled.").

Which transitions me nicely to my main point of thought this fine (and windy!) evening...how much extra time is REALLY needed to extend yourself just a little more to show others you care, that you are sensitive to their thoughts and feelings, or simply that you are a human too (and not just a bundle of programmed responses!). I seem to be beating this general topic of demands upon one's time, but I find that it is something that deserves more thought, as it seems to be relevant within a culture that rewards those who find ways to be more productive, which is largely tied to the time a given individual possesses.

I do not presume to know what you, the reader's, view is on this, yet I would presume that many of us struggle between this notion of empathic sympathizing for whomever may be around vs. the myriad of obligations obstructing your path. I confess, I often choose the option of smoothly cutting conversations that I have with others as short as possible in order to give more time to my private endeavors. By no means am I saying that the accomplishments achieved throughout daily grindings inherently detract from one's social development, but I would propose that there may be a healthy balance between the two, which is more attainable than many may believe.

It is here that I make this point short, yet simply sweet: Do you have AT LEAST five minutes?... Just dwell upon that notion and whatever it may mean to you for a while. To me, it implies that I indeed have at least the time to call a friend today, a friend with whom I have neglected to talk for too long. It suggests that I am certainly capable of responding to my classmates' comments about his/her day in a sympathetic manner. Perhaps I can significantly contribute my classmates in that simple way or start a lasting relationship. Who can honestly predict that may occur because of those extra five minutes? Is it then not worth that sacrifice in time to gain a friend who may provide priceless support later in life's struggle?

I know this may be an old topic, but let us freshen this up a little: What implications do you see for your own life if you were to use five minutes to maintain or create a relational connection to others around you?

A Bright Morning, Lined with Hope...

As I awoke this morning, I could already see a pattern developing: The obligations of the day will likely set the timing of my daily postings. So, I believe, as a part of my morning routine, I can commit to a morning posting much better than an evening posting, which was my initial expectation.

After rising from a slumber upon a bed not my own (offered by some kind individuals who are friends of my fiance, enabling me to circumvent the necessity of an hour's drive back to where I live after visiting her for the weekend), I opened my email to find some more comments concerning my last posting "A Little Late...". Thanks to those individuals who took the time to read through my fatigue-inducing post, especially to one of the authors of the book (Ethics in Psychology and the Mental Health Professions: Standards and Cases, 3rd. Ed., by Gerald Koocher and Patricia Keith-Spiegel) to which I referred in the post (you can see comments below the post to which they refer by clicking upon the "comments" link below the post). It is personally an encouraging act to see that those from higher positions of authority within the field of psychology actually take their strained time to view something as humble as a blog-posting that contains reference to their work. Again, thanks to you who contribute to the dynamic flow of the conversations I wish to bring to the table, so to speak.

My thoughts now continue in the vein I began in the previous paragraph: The peripheral friends of friends, family, or other significant people. All too often, I find myself discounting their value, perhaps even graduating to the level of a "parasitic sucker" as I accept their kindness (eg. sharing the coffee that they made for themselves this morning, sharing their room to allow me rest for the night, taking the time out of their own lives as busy grad students and volunteers in the community, etc.) without thought of their extra-ordinary kindness and how I might return that warm nature back to them. Yet now I find myself being humbled (yet again) in recalling that very recent experience that I had with the sharing of a room, a bed, and a cup of coffee.

Is it not a beautiful thing to witness these acts of kindness by individuals with whom you have no prior engagement? Further, is it not a shame that such acts are not as often recounted in news headlines, radio waves, or the internet? Since I have begun listening to KNX 1070 News Radio (which is an excellent means by which one can be quickly brought up to speed about current events; very helpful, if you ask me), I cannot help but be overwhelmed by waves of anguish and sadness that exist out there in LA county and in the world... I realize this comment is likely a simple addition to the noise of babble about the unfortunate state of affairs the world is in due to natural disasters, terrorist acts, desperate acts, etc.; however, I wish to propose something so simple, that, perhaps, everyone has already considered this, but considered it too elementary to offer in the midst of such confusion. Although, as a person who practices the Christian faith, I am personally taken by paradoxical thoughts, so this may be all the more appropriate. Perhaps by seeking more of those uncelebrated acts of kindness and reporting a greater percentage of those rather than an unbalanced report of mostly negative news, the injection of thoughts and images that relate to kind acts will fill the minds of the public more, creating an overflow of those thoughts into actions. This would not simply be a removal of ALL negative headlines, but it would encompass a positive mindset despite the negative news. Yes, this is certainly an idealistic notion, yet I believe it to be a noble one.

So, this is the concept that I bring for conversation: I am a recipient of kindness. This is a simple idea and I embrace it. I love those people that give me that kindness, and it engenders a flame that begs to be passed to others for shared warmth. I think I will help share that flame today by writing some Thank You notes to friends and family. I am a sucker for letter-writing... I'm picking up my pen now... and I shall share that experience tomorrow :)